Is it harder?

I read recently a fellow twins mum saying that we shouldn’t underestimate how hard new mums of singletons have it, as having a new child (especially if it’s the first) is always hard. She also said that if we think that we, as twins’ mums, have it harder then we are doomed because we are starting with the wrong mind set.

This made me think. A lot. Because I am one of those people who sometimes envy mums of singletons and how easy they have it. But this lady said that it is hard for all of us. So, is it really harder for mums of twins or is it all in my head?

So I got thinking, and started becoming aware of everything that I did, trying to put it in the perspective of having one child, and not two. And let me tell you: it is not in my head. It really is harder… Here are a couple of examples.

One of my NCT friends asked me why I had a changing table in the living room. She only has one in the nursery and when she needs to change her daughter, she takes her upstairs and changes her there. With twins, however, this is impossible, because you need to be in the same room as the other baby when you’re changing one in order to keep an eye. And then you need to change baby number two. So you would be carrying two babies up and down the stairs all the time. There’s also the option of changing the babies on the floor, kneeling and bending, but as I had a c-section this was impossible in the first few weeks. By the time I got better, I was so dependent on the changing table that I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I took the babies to soft play the other day, because it’s flexible (you turn up when you want) and more relaxed than a set class. However, this particular soft play centre doesn’t allow buggies (and I don’t think that any do), so you have to carry two babies in. How do you do this? Do you leave them both in the car whilst you go in and ask for help? Do you take one with you leave them there on their own and then go and get the other one from the car? If your babies are good babies, you might be okay with these two options, but mine don’t like being left alone in the car for more than a few seconds. Thankfully I was meeting a friend there who came out to help me carry one of the babies (whilst her own baby was left alone in the centre). This example is also relevant for any other place where you have to take the children but don’t allow buggies, like children’s centres. When we did the Boogie Mites course the twins were small enough for me to carry the maxi cosis at the same time in both hands, but they are too heavy now and I wouldn’t be able to carry them both.

A friend invited me to her house for lunch and I ended up cancelling because I was just too stressed about how to feed them without high chairs. The mother of a single baby would sit the baby on their lap and feed them there, but how do you do it with two? I need mine to be constrained in the high chairs because they move so much. I wouldn’t be able to sit them on the floor and hope that they would sit still! I have now bought a couple of chair adaptors in case I find myself in the same situation again.

Those are just three recent examples. There are many more where those ones came from. It is not a mind set, it’s a physical limitation… only having two arms to carry one child at a time. If both of them cry at the same time, you need to evaluate the situation and see who needs you the most. You need to divide your attention and they need to learn to share you. Mums of singletons never have to face these situations.

However, I do agree that having a child is a life changing event and not everybody copes the same way. I have seen mums of twins who are real troopers and nothing faces them, and mums of singletons who drown in a glass of water. Just different people and different ways of coping.